Pervert Jokes -.-

Seorang guru, Cikgu Murni (Umur: 22) menghadapi masalah dengan salah seorang muridnya (Abu). Lalu guru ini bertanya kepada murid tersebut :

"Apa sebenarnya masalah awak, Abu?"

Lalu Abu menjawab, "Saya terlalu cerdik untuk berada di darjah 4,kakak saya menduduki UPSR dan saya lebih cerdik dari dia, maka saya seharusnya berada di tempat yang sama juga!". Cikgu Murni dah tak tertahan. Dia bawa Abu ke pejabat pengetua. Sementara Abu menunggu di ruang tamu, Cikgu Murni terangkan keadaan tersebut kepada pengetua. Pengetua mengatakan yang dia akan berikan ujian kepada Abu dan jika Abu gagal menjawab, maka Abu harus kekal di darjah 3 dan berkelakuan baik. Abu dibawa masuk ke pejabat Pengetua dan Cikgu Murni terangkan pada Abu dan Abu bersetuju untuk ambil ujian yang akan diberikan.

Pengetua: Apa 3 x 3?

Abu: 9

Pengetua: Apa 6 x 6?

Abu: 36

Pengetua terus bertanyakan soalan2 berdasarkan tahap pencapaian murid2 UPSR dan si Abu mampu menjawab tiap soalan yang diberikan. Lalu pengetua memandang Cikgu Murni dan berkata, "Saya rasa murid ini sepatutnya berada di darjah 6", Lalu Cikgu Murni berkata pada pengetua, "Saya ada soalan saya sendiri, boleh tak saya ajukan pada Abu?". Pengetua dan Abu bersetuju.

Cikgu Murni: Apa yang lembu ada 4 di badan, tapi saya cuma ada dua?

Abu: (berfikir) Kaki

Cikgu Murni: Apa yang ada di dalam seluar kamu tapi tidak pada seluar saya?

Abu: Saku

Cikgu Murni: Apa yang bermula dengan huruf "K" akhir dengan "A", ianya berbulu, berbentuk oval, nyaman dan mengandungi lapisan nipis keputihan?

Abu: Kelapa

Cikgu Murni: Apakah yang masuk keras dan berwarna "pink", bila keluar lembik dan melekit

Mata Pengetua terbuka luas dan sebelum sempat dia menahan, si Abuterus menjawab.

Abu: Gula-gula getah (Bubblegum)

Cikgu Murni: Apa yang mereka lakukan, lelaki secara berdiri, wanita secara duduk dan anjing secara tiga kaki?
Mata Pengetua sekali lagi terbuka sangat2 luas dan sebelum dia sempat hendak menahan si Abu terus menjawab.

Abu: Bersalaman

Cikgu Murni: Baik, sekarang saya akan ajukan soalan berbentuk siapakah saya, okay?

Abu: Baik Cikgu

Cikgu Murni: Awak memasukkan batang kedalam saya. Awak ikat saya untuk saya berdiri. Saya kebasahan sebelum awak.

Pengetua kelihatan resah dengan soalan yang diajukan oleh Cikgu Murni.

Abu: Khemah

Cikgu Murni: Jari memasuki saya. Awak menggesel-gesel saya bila awak teringatkan saya. Lelaki idaman akan mendapat saya dahulu.

Pengetua semakin resah dan tidak selesa. Lantas terus meneguk segelas Nescafe 3in1.

Abu: Cincin perkahwinan

Cikgu Murni: Saya ada bermacam-macam saiz. Bila saya sakit saya akan meleleh. Bila saya keluar, banyak tisu yang akan digunakan. Bila awak hembuskan saya, akan berasa lega. Sekali lagi pengetua rasa amat resah dengan soalan yang di ajukan oleh Cikgu Murni dan ingin membantah, tapi si Abu mendahuluinya.

Abu: Hidung

Cikgu Murni: Saya batang yang keras. Hujungnya tajam. Saya akan datang dan masuk dengan lajunya.

Abu: Anak panah

Cikgu Murni: Sekarang saya akan ajukan soalan dalam Bahasa Inggeris, okay?

Abu: Okay

Cikgu Murni: What word starts with a 'F' and end in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?

Abu: Firetruck
Cikgu Murni: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if you dont get it you have to use your hand.

Abu: Fork

Cikgu Murni: What is it that all men have one of. It's longer on some men than on others, the pope does not use his, and a man gives it to his wife after they are married?

Abu: Surname

Cikgu Murni: What part of the man has no bones but has muscles, lots of veins and loves pumping?

Abu: Heart


LOL

A Story From The Aborted Child

Hi, Mommy. I'm your baby. You don't know me yet, I'm only a few weeks old. You're going to find out about me soon, though, I promise. Let me tell you some things about me. My name is John, and I've got beautiful brown eyes and black hair. Well, I don't have it yet, but I will when I'm born. I'm going to be your only child, and you'll call me your one and only. I'm going to grow up without a daddy mostly, but we have each other. We'll help each other, and love each other. I want to be a doctor when I grow up. You found out about me today, Mommy! You were so excited, you couldn't wait to tell everyone. All you could do all day was smile, and life was perfect. You have a beautiful smile, Mommy. It will be the first face I will see in my life, and it will be the best thing I see in my life. I know it already. Today was the day you told Daddy. You were so excited to tell him about me! He wasn't happy, Mommy. He kind of got angry. I don't think that you noticed, but he did. He started to talk about something called wedlock, and money, and bills, and stuff I don't think I understand yet. You were still happy, though, so it was okay. Then he did something scary, Mommy. He hit you. I could feel you fall backward, and your hands flying up to protect me. I was okay... but I was very sad for you. You were crying then, Mommy. That's a sound I don't like. It doesn't make me feel good. It made me cry, too. He said sorry after, and he hugged you again. You forgave him, Mommy, but I'm not sure if I do. It wasn't right. You say he loves you...why would he hurt you? I don't like it, Mommy.

Finally, you can see me! Your stomach is a little bit bigger, and you're so proud of me! You went out with your mommy to buy new clothes, and you were so so so happy. You sing to me, too. You have the most beautiful voice in the whole wide world. When you sing is when I'm happiest. And you talk to me, and I feel safe. So safe. You just wait and see, Mommy. When I am born I will be perfect just for you. I will make you proud, and I will love you with all of my heart. I can move my hands and feet now, Mommy. I do it because you put your hands on your belly to feel me, and I giggle. You giggle, too. I love you, Mommy.
... ...
Daddy came to see you today, Mommy. I got really scared. He was acting funny and he wasn't talking right. He said he didn't want you. I don't know why, but that's what he said. And he hit you again. I got angry, Mommy. When I grow up I promise I won't let you get hurt! I promise to protect you. Daddy is bad. I don't care if you think that he is a good person, I think he's bad. But he hit you, and he said he didn't want us. He doesn't like me. Why doesn't he like me, Mommy?


... You didn't talk to me tonight, Mommy. Is everything okay? It's been three days since you saw Daddy. You haven't talked to me or touched me or anything since that. Don't you still love me, Mommy? I still love you. I think you feel sad. The only time I feel you is when you sleep. You sleep funny, kind of curled up on your side. And you hug me with your arms, and I feel safe and warm again. Why don't you do that when you're awake, any more? I'm 21 weeks old today, Mommy. Aren't you proud of me? We're going somewhere today, and it's somewhere new. I'm excited. It looks like a hospital, too. I want to be a doctor when I grow up, Mommy. Did I tell you that? I hope you're as excited as I am. I can't wait. Mommy, I'm getting scared. Your heart is still beating, but I don't know what you are thinking. The doctor is talking to you. I think something's going to happen soon. I'm really, really, really scared, Mommy. Please tell me you love me. Then I will feel safe again. I love you! Mommy, what are they doing to me!? It hurts! Please make them stop! It feels bad! Please, Mommy, please please help me! Make them stop!

Don't worry Mommy, I'm safe. I'm in heaven with the angels now. They told me what you did, and they said it's called an abortion. Why, Mommy? Why did you do it? Don't you lov...e me any more? Why did you get rid of me? I'm really, really, really sorry if I did something wrong, Mommy. I love you, Mommy! I love you with all of my heart. Why don't you love me? What did I do to deserve what they did to me? I want to live, Mommy! Please! It really, really hurts to see you not care about me, and not talk to me. Didn't I love you enough? Please say you'll keep me, Mommy! I want to live smile and watch the clouds and see your face and grow up and be a doctor. I don't want to be here, I want you to love me again! I'm really really really sorry if I did something wrong. I love you! I love you, Mommy.

Every abortion is just…
One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

Game Consoles: The PSP

Hello guys, here's another update regarding game consoles. For this post, I will focused on PSP as I am still using it compare to my PS1, PS2, PS3, GBA(Gameboy Advabce lol), Ipod Touch 4th Gen.

I'm currently using PSP model 2000

I recommend this PSP better than PSPGO or the PSP-3000 in terms of easy to hack. For you guys out there, to enjoy psp games (other than buying the original) you MUST hack it and be able to download games for FREE.

PSP-3000 should have a stable CFW (custom firmware) but its still troublesome to do. PSPGO have the same issue as well.

More importantly, since the release of PSPGO, SONY have officially release the new type of PSP called PSP VITA

 This is the new PSP that has been released from SONY Playstation.
Some of the functions-
Dual Analog Stick


Touch Screen Capabilities


Dual camera at front and the back (skype enable)


Awesome Graphic (compare to PSP-1000, PSP-2000, PSP-3000 or the PSPGO)


 Features a 4 core ARM Cortex-A9 MPCorel processor and a 4 core SGX543MP4 + graphics processing unit, as well as LiveAreaas its main user interface, which succeeds the XrossMediaBar.


Bluetooth, Wifi and 3G supported device :D


This PSP Vita cost around RM1000+ if ur living in Malaysia and will be released worldwide on December 2011. Highly recommended for those whom are bored with their old PSP or planning to own a PSP.

That's all for today post :D

For The Girls Who Wants the Perfect Guy :P

For this post, Its specifically for the ladies who wanna know the type of guy via their horoscope. Not ENTIRELY true so dont take it seriously. Btw, I'm a SAGITTARIUS :P


Aries (21 Mac – 20 April)
The Person: Mama's boy! Intelligent.
Tips utk memikat: Bagus untuk ladies wearing hijab (NO OFFENCE) but its true..
Jejaka Aries suka wanita yang sopan, tata-tertib.. sebab nak bawa tunjuk mak so
kena lah bawa balik yang bagus punya.
WARNING: Jika anda betul anda rasa kes ini pilihan anda, pilih lah. Kalau tidak,
jangan lah main-mainkan hatinya. Hati dah luka sukar nak dibaiki.

Leo (24 Julai – 23 Ogos)
Orang nya: Penyayang, warm hearted, tidak kedekut bila mahu berkongsi kesenangan
dan kemewahan dengan orang yang disayangi nya. Jejaka Leo ini juga seorang yang
ambitious, self-centered tapi tak ego.(kadang-kadang je ego). Pandai
berkata-kata.
Tips utk memikat: Sebagai perempuan, harus lah menunjukkan kewanitaan yang
selembut-lembutnya. Kena tahu bagaimana menilai dan menghargai setiap ciri dan
kualiti ada pada jejaka leo.
WARNING: JANGAN bercakap atau memuji lelaki lain di
hadapan LEO. Mereka tak suka dibanding-bandingkan dengan orang lain.. mereka tu
sensitif!

Virgo (24 Ogos – 23 September)
Orang nya: Pemalu, tak pandai mengawal emosi. Suka mencari perhatian
dari perempuan.
Tips utk memikat: Lelaki Virgo suka yang pendiam, tak kecoh, sofisticated,
simple, jangan banyak cakap. So kenalah pandai
menyerlahkan nilai-nilai kewanitaan, gaya yang manis, kelembutan dan tak lupa
kesabaran.
WARNING: Bila pergi dating, jangan pakai yang ter “over welming”.. virgo ini
gatal.

Libra ( 24 September – 23 Oktober)
Orang nya: Cerewet, posessive, takes things lightly when comes to quarrel tapi
jujur dlm segala hal. Suka buat keputusan `last minute`. Seringkala kontrol diri
depan perempuan.
Tips utk memikat: Libra suka perempuan yang ceria, happy go lucky..
SO be urself.
WARNING: So bila nak date. Wear make-up yg sederhana. Tapi jangan lupa
cover-up pimple jika ada. A big turn off for Libra pasal diorang ingat diorang
ni semua hensem. :p

Scorpio ( 24 Oktober – 23 November)
Orang nya: Action serius, mudah cemburu, mood swing.
Tips utk memikat: Sentiasa menghargai nya. Nak bergayut di telephone berjam-jam
pun takpe! janji dengan dia, kerana Scorpio ini macam Libra juga, posessive. Tak
suka berkongsi perempuan nya dengan orang lain.
WARNING: Buat pilihan yg betul bila mahu memikat scorpio, kerana bila dah
terjerat susah nak escape dari scorpio.

Cancer ( 22 Jun – 23 Julai)
Orang nya: Segak, Step kaya, bermurah hati, suka menunjuk-nunjuk dengan
kemewahan. Tetapi mereka adalah sebalik nya.
Tips utk memikat: Jangan pulak anda pun nak step kaya… nanti habis duit dikebas.
WARNING: TOLONG Jangan terpedaya dengan kata manis nyer.. first first manis,
kalau dah lama jadi masam.. kadang kadang jadi basi…

Sagitarius ( 23 November – 21 December)
Orang nya:Siapa dapat memang untung. Sagitarius are always happy.
suka bawa partner jalan-jalan and have fun!
Sort of adventurous.
Tips utk memikat: Sentiasa ada kan plan bila nak keluar sebab Sagittarius ni pemalu bila berada bersama perempuan.
WARNING: Jangan harapkan Sagittarius buat planning kalau nk dating sebab memang diorang akan blur :p

Capricon ( 22 December – 20 Januari)
Orang Nya: Egoistic, ada batu duduk di atas itu kepala, pendek kata Capricon
seorang yang sukar nak meluah kan perasaannya. Jarang sekali anda akan mendengar
dia melafazkan ‘cinta’ pada anda.
Tips utk memikat: COOL je.
WARNING: Macam layang-layang putus tali.. jual mahal.. mahal jugak sis.. jangan
mahal sampai terputus tali..

Aquarius ( 21 Januari – 19 Februari)
Orang Nya: Pijak semut tak mati… Suka yang cantik dan menarik perhatian.
Tips utk memikat: Kacang aje.. sentiasa berpakaian cantik, glamer.. comfirm dia
sentiasa nak berkepit aje dengan you.
WARNING: Lelaki Aquarius nie cepat bosan dengan orang.

Pisces (20 Februari – 20 Mac)
Orang Nya: Segak, bergaya, choosy.. Mudah perasan.
Tips utk memikat: Senyum sikit kat dia, mesti dia akan ingat sampai bila-bila.
WARNING: Mungkin bakal jadi playboy.

Taurus (21 April – 21 Mei)
Orang nya: Mencabar. garang seperti singa, takut seperti tikus. Mereka tidak
tetap dengan pendirian sendiri. Suka Bantu orang lain.
Tips utk memikat: Low profile sikit, mereka suka sesuatu yg mencabar, let him
find out the real you…
WARNING: Kadang-kadang diorang suka buat kelakar seorang seorang… kesian takde
orang lain layan…

Gemini (22 Mei – 21 Jun)
Orang nya: Mudah Gemok! egoistic, tak suka kalah. Kalau ada debate, jangan harap
anda nak menang.. dalam apa-apa persoalan jua mereka ada aje alasan nya
Tips utk memikat: Sabar aje lah.. be patient. Sebagai perempuan, mengalah lah
sikit.. lambat laun hati nya akan lembut jugak.. Lelaki Gemini nie suka pada
perempuan yang lembut, hatinya akan lembut jua.
WARNING: Jangan bersikap terlalu kasar dengan nya.. kalau dah tak tahan dengan
mereka.. blah aje jangan banyak cakap.. mereka panas baran. Tak guna bertengkar
anda tak akan menang punya.

Thats all for today's post. Source: Nizarazu.com

PSP Game recommendation #2

This is the 2nd game recommendation and for those of you who dont know anything bout MHP3 or as the full name applies is Monster Hunter Portable 3rd. This is the 3rd installment for the game series on the PSP and for the 1st and 2nd it kick ass! U dont even need me to tell you that this (MHP3rd) is also awesome.

This game starts with you creating your own character whether male/female and enjoy full customization from face to ur own character's voice. After creating ur character, a few scene of the game and you'll get a sneak peek of the bad ass monsters in the game.

The game will let you start off with some crappy armors and weapons. In order to gain strong weapons and armors, u have to kill monsters and carve off their body parts to be used as ur own. Aint that great? Of course this game is almost based on reality so no Easy mode, Normal mode or Hard mode to choose from. The game will start off easy and things will get tougher and tougher as you venture through the lush environment of the area around you. 

Did I mention that this game can play with ur friends? Simply choose either wlan or ad-hoc mode(PS3 users only). You'll be able to slaughter the monsters easily with ur mates. 

It is a fun game to play and harness your skill. With easy to use combat with a variety of weapons to choose from.

With tons of excitement, this game can accumulate almost 200~300hours of gaming depending on how you like to keep on killing the monsters :D

                                                     Some of the monsters you have to kill

                                                  Just a cool wallpaper from the previous game.

Final words, this game is awesome and I would highly recommend you to buy/download the game. Make sure you already update ur PSP firmware to 5.50 prome-4 and enjoy!

Monster Hunter Fans! your voice have finally been heard!

Heya guys if there are any people left whose reading this blog, this update is for those PS3 owner such as myself and have waited patiently for Monster Hunter series to be publish on the PS3. Capcom have finally decided on releasing MHP3 on the PS3. Its actually the same as the MHP3 on the psp but the different is the graphic. Its in HD~! I dont think there are any other major differences though but as long as its on the PS3 and we are able to ad-hoc freely, thats fiiine~ by me.



FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF YEAAAAH!


Actually this was quite an old news, so I thought that I should just update this since not many of you may know of it or even play MHP3.